What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
