There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
