party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Apparently you make a good broom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
