Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
