Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
