Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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