i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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