VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
