I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
