bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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