I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i think i just lost a toe
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
