theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
