i barfeds in our rink
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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