My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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