I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
