dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i think i just lost a toe
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
