Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
