I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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