My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
