Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
