and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
