Kiss
Puke
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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