I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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