I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
