I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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