I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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