I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
