So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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