it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a beard to bite.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
