i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
