Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
