i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so let's talk penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
