trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
