No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
