I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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