Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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