Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
