You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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