Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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