dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
