Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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