tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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