Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
