plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
