I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
