What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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