you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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