Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
