dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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