This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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