My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
