He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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