WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
