there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
